


Peaked Tide

by themarmalade



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:41:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28424907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themarmalade/pseuds/themarmalade
Summary: He knows it wasn't his fault for seeing Yeonjun in the bathroom that day, but he feels bad. Or does he? It betrays the respect he has for Yeonjun to want him like this, or does it? Is it guilt or butterflies making his stomach twist when Yeonjun walks back over and hugs him from behind?
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 50
Kudos: 679





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing two yeonbin aus and instead of finishing those, i suddenly had written this instead lmao oops but this is my first posted yeonbin fic so i hope u like it!
> 
> also, smut in chapter 2 yeehaw

It’s empty when Soobin walks into their dorm, humming bits and pieces of the song playing in his headphones, loud enough to drown out the world. It’s what he needs sometimes, a bubble of music where he is only him. Not leader of a group, not belonging to millions of fans, not a face for cameras, just undefined in the space of a song. 

Someone had left the kitchen light and the hall light on this morning. He laughs to himself and turns them off, turning into the bedroom and finally taking out his earbuds before pulling off his sweater. Confusion grips him for a second when music continues playing. 

“Oh?” he says softly, peering around the corner. Music coming from the bathroom, it seems, judging by the way light glows from the door cracked open. He grins when he hears the water shut off. Probably, whoever it is thought they were the only one coming back early just like he had thought. 

Grin stretching wider as he tugs on comfier pants, he walks softly down the hallway, preparing to burst through the bathroom door and scare whoever was in there. Yeonjun or Beomgyu; he had seen the other two at the studio before he left. 

He reaches for the door, peeking through the crack and stops cold. Just barely audible over the music, a groan and a muttered curse. He would’ve turned right back around at that, but his eye has already caught on what’s reflected in the steamy bathroom mirror. Yeonjun, wet hair hanging in his eyes, gaze fixed on his naked body in the mirror. Watching his hand drag over the curves of his own firm muscles, other hand jerking himself off with languid strokes. 

_I should stop watching._

He doesn’t stop watching, entranced by the scene before him. It’s not like he’s never seen Yeonjun naked before, or never acknowledged that he’s attractive, but this isn’t that. This, the feeling locking up his chest, is like swallowing water at the bottom of a wave. This is,  _ I want him. I want him.  _

Yeonjun moans again, face tipping up to the ceiling as his hand speeds up. He’s beautiful, truly, strong and lean but soft and curved in the prettiest places. It’s all Soobin can do not to gasp himself; it’s all he can do to tear his eyes away and pad ever so softly back down the hall. 

He shoves his earbuds back in with shaky hands and sits on the edge of his bed and immediately shoots back up, tingly and distracted, pulse whooshing behind his ears. No memory of walking out there, but he stands in the middle of the living room, torn. If he lays down for a nap like he planned, would Yeonjun suspect he’d heard him and that’s why he fell asleep with earbuds in? If he didn’t have earbuds in, would he then  _ really _ suspect he’d heard him? If he puts his shoes back on and walks back out the door, would Yeonjun hear him and be suspicious? 

Lip worried between his teeth, he stands at a loss in front of the sofa and stares in the direction of the bathroom but all he sees are visions of Yeonjun’s wet body, the muscle clenched in his thigh, his thumb rubbing up against the head of his cock. 

His mouth waters a little and he’s horrified with himself, panicked that Yeonjun will come out of the bathroom any second now and see him standing there like a spooked gargoyle. Ignoring the fact that he’s half hard in his sweats, he throws himself face down to the sofa, determined to pretend he’d just come in and fallen asleep there. Wouldn’t be the first time, ordinary enough. 

When he wakes up an hour later, he’s surprised he actually fell asleep. A blanket has been thrown over him. Yeonjun, no doubt. He goes bashful and electric at the thought of Yeonjun, pulling the blanket up to hide his face. 

_ Get it together, it’s Yeonjun. Yeonjun who you see every day. _ He sits up and stretches, determined to put what he saw earlier out of his mind. Sounds of someone cooking in the kitchen drift muffled past his earbuds. With a steadying exhale, he pulls them out and rubs his face. 

“Oh, you woke up! I was coming to see if you were still sleeping or if you wanted some of this ramyun.” 

Yeonjun hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on, fluffy pink hair pulled back from his face with some cute little clips fans had given them. 

“Hello?” Yeonjun laughs when Soobin just stares. “Still asleep, huh.” 

Food in hand, he sits on the floor in front of Soobin, back against the couch between his legs. “If your brain starts working again and you want some, there’s more on the stove.” 

He clicks on the tv and hunts for a movie, slurping down a mouthful of noodles, oblivious to Soobin’s struggle behind him or the anxious, smitten eyes caressing down the slope of his spine and bare shoulders. 

He knows he’s being weird and he should at least control himself on camera but he can’t help it. They’re filming and Yeonjun is being as affectionate as he always is, but while it’s always been easy to teasingly push him away or pull him closer, now he just keeps freezing up. Still as a deer, speechless when Yeonjun teases him. Suddenly he doesn’t know who to be around Yeonjun, touch seeming sexual now, though he reminds himself it’s only that way in his head. 

Panic rises a little whenever the cameras are on, which doesn’t help. He can see the fan’s reactions to his every reaction to Yeonjun months later when this episode is released. Minute though the difference may be, fans notice everything. It’ll be,  _ wow what happened between Soobin and Yeonjun before they were filming? _ Ideas ranging from  _ they must have fought  _ to  _ they must have kissed _ , either way they’ll notice. They’ll hunt for recordings surrounding this one, sleuth their way to exactly when Soobin started acting weird. 

He feels see through, like anyone could crack open his brain and see the fantasies of Yeonjun’s wet skin under his lips that keep him up at night and unable to look him in the eye.  And worse, maybe, is the darkness that flickers in Yeonjun’s eyes every time Soobin shuts down and shies away. Hurt or confusion, but trying not to pout because Yeonjun knows too; it’ll be noticed. 

Yeonjun comes up behind him during a break in filming and slaps his butt in a lazy rhythm, reaching for the water bottle in Soobin’s hand. “Hey, you okay?” 

He says it soft, so no one else could hear. Concerned for him, and Soobin feels worse than ever. “I’m fine. Just- tired.” 

It’s a flimsy excuse, in light of the countless times before that they’ve all been dead tired and acted just fine. But Yeonjun just nods and hands him back his water, scrunching his fingers at the back of Soobin’s neck before walking off. 

He watches Yeonjun grab his phone from the table nearby and scroll through, weight leaned into one hip. The black turtleneck clings so pretty to his strong shoulders, straining against the curve of his waist when he stretches his arms up and yawns. What would it be like, he wonders, to walk over there and wrap his arms around that waist, to kiss Yeonjun's pretty lips, to slide his hands down Yeonjun's jeans and-

"Hey! Do you think-" 

Soobin yelps and jolts away from the hand that grabbed his elbow. Beomgyu laughs and slaps his leg, smug at being the one to scare Soobin for once. 

"Do you think I should wear this ring or this one? The stylist told me to choose whatever, but I like them both." 

He drags his eyes away from Yeonjun, who's smiling for a selca with Taehyun. So pretty when he smiles, warm with kindness. "What?"

Beomgyu sighs in exasperation and holds up two ringed fingers. "Which one?"

"Why not just wear both?" 

He cocks his head and considers. "Actually that's a good idea..." He follows Soobin's gaze over to Yeonjun. "Did you get him a birthday present yet? It's next week but I just remembered today." 

Soobin plants his eyes on the floor. "I don't know what to get him. Can't think of anything good."

"You know Yeonjun, he'll just be happy you got him something," Beomgyu laughs. "Maybe I'll buy him a crate of those noodles he likes..." 

Despite his determination to keep his eyes on the floor, they're back on Yeonjun before he realizes it. Laughing loud at something Taehyun said, immediately serious and ready to help when staff comes over to ask him a question. _Such a good person._ A smile hints across his own face as he watches him, proud and fond and conflicted as hell. 

He knows it wasn't his fault for seeing Yeonjun in the bathroom, but he feels bad. Or does he? It betrays the respect he has for Yeonjun to want him like this, or does it? Is it guilt or butterflies making his stomach twist when Yeonjun walks back over and hugs him from behind, talking to Beomgyu about what the staff said. 

Guilt, definitely. Butterflies, definitely. He may not have meant to see Yeonjun in the bathroom like that, but the fantasies in his head every time Yeonjun touches him as a friend, that feels like a betrayal, somehow. 

Determined to pull himself together, Soobin pulls Yeonjun's arm off and walks away.

For the most part, they’re too busy for Yeonjun to truly notice Soobin avoiding him, or Soobin staring at him. Soobin can tell an odd vibe is building between them, though. Enough time together now that Soobin can tell if the angle of the corner of Yeonjun’s lips in a smile is different than usual, or if his gaze catches a quarter second longer than usual when Soobin tugs his arm out of his grasp and curls into himself. 

Two days later, they gather in a spare room to film a vlive together. Soobin tries to sit on the opposite side of the table from Yeonjun, but just before they start filming, Taehyun stands to take the food from the staff and Yeonjun rises to help him. Beomgyu follows after them to grab the drinks and when they all settle back in, Yeonjun is beside him. 

It goes as it usually goes. Yeonjun squeezes his thigh when he laughs, throws his arm casual around his shoulder as they watch comments from fans fly by on the screen. He grabs hold of his earlobe like he always does, rubbing at it, oblivious to the way it sends his stomach into a hot flutter. Soobin tries his best to act normal, to smile and loosen his muscles. Maybe a bit more subdued than usual, but he’s doing alright, he thinks. 

Until a fan asks Yeonjun to do a sexy version of the “save me” part of Can’t You See Me? Everyone laughs and Yeonjun asks, “isn’t that part already sexy? How do I do it sexy?” 

Thinking for a moment, he suddenly turns to Soobin and clutches his face in an exaggerated gesture, face serious, leaning in close and whispering “save me” before doing a body roll and laughing when everyone else screeches and laughs. 

“What? What? Wasn’t it sexy? It was right?” Yeonjun laughs and smacks Taehyun, who’s grimacing. 

“It was, it was,” Hueningkai agrees quickly, clapping for him.

Yeonjun turns back. “Soobin what do you- oh? Oh?? Seriously?” 

“What, what?” Everyone cranes to look. 

“Did I seriously make you blush?” Yeonjun grabs him by the shoulders to make him show his face. “Are you really blushing?” 

“I’m not,” he says, trying to laugh with them. But he is and he knows it. Everyone’s heckling, a chorus of “ohhh, Soobin’s blushing”, laughter and clapping drowning out any of his weak attempts to deny and Yeonjun won’t stop peering up into his face. He shoves him away. “I said I’m not, knock it off.” 

Yeonjun’s smile falters and Soobin’s stomach drops. The words came out too sharp, not a hint of playfulness, and now he’s made everyone awkward. He hates it when he does this, always trying to be good-natured about everyone’s teasing, especially on camera. Usually it’s fine, usually he’s as bad as the rest of them, but sometimes they hit a nerve. And how would they know, when he never tells them what upsets him? He’s an adult, he’s the leader of the group, he should be able to hide how he feels but sometimes it slips out. 

He tries to make up for it, resting his chin on Yeonjun’s shoulder a few minutes later, throwing in a compliment or two when fans ask questions about the other members. It’s not a big deal, by now the others are good at covering for each other, keeping the atmosphere up. 

But the guilt lingers in his gut. Worse, the worry in Yeonjun’s eyes when he glances at him, trying to read him. 

“Shit, sorry.” Soobin spins back around and closes the bathroom door. 

“You can come in, I’m just washing my face. Soobin! Seriously, you can come in. Hey.” He catches his wrist in the hall. “Why are you being so weird lately? Did I do something?”

He drops Soobin’s hand and stands up straight. Tries to put on his detached, businesslike voice. “Are you mad at me?” 

They’d decided early on to always talk about it rationally if there were issues between them, to set emotions aside in the name of working harmoniously. But Soobin can hear the shy worry underlying Yeonjun’s question. 

He looks up at him, catching his eyes and looking away. He’s so cute, hair pushed back with a headband, the torn up tank top he likes to wear to sleep, face still wet, lips pouted in concern. So sweet always, so determined to fix whatever is wrong between them. The knot around his chest tightens. “No, you didn’t do anything.” 

Yeonjun isn’t convinced. “Soobin, you have to tell me if something is wrong between us, we can’t afford for things to be tense and weird. I’m sorry for teasing you earlier, I’ll lay off, I’ll give you space.” 

Summoning up the strength to give him a little smile. “No, hyung, come on. Seriously, I’m not mad.” That, at least, he could say with conviction. 

It eases the anxiety in Yeonjun’s eyes a little, but not the pleading. “Then what is it?” 

He looks away. There’s no way he could ever say it out loud.  _ I saw you jerk off and I jerked off thinking about it five times since then. I think I like you. I think I want you. _

No way. No way could he say it. 

The sound of Yeonjun laughing softly shocks him out of his thoughts. “Are you blushing again? Your ears are all red,” he says, yanking on one. “What’s up with you today? Seriously, what’s up with you? You know I’d do anything to help you, right?” 

He knows Yeonjun won’t let him off without an explanation. If he ran to his room and locked the door, it’d only make it worse. If he insists it’s nothing, he knows Yeonjun will just confront him again later. 

Fidgeting, gaze stuck to the door frame, he chews on his lip. “I think I like someone,” he finally decides. 

“Oh.” Yeonjun sounds almost relieved. “Well that’s not-” 

“It’s a guy.” 

“Oh,” he says again, a longer pause this time. 

He can feel his face burn, knowing Yeonjun is staring at him, trying to read his mind. 

“Well that’s not- there’s nothing wrong with that you know.” 

“It’s- it’s one of the members.” 

_“Oh.”_ Truly dumbfounded now. 

“Stop saying ‘oh’,” Soobin tries to laugh and feels queasy. 

“Hueningkai?” Yeonjun mutters, like he’s embarrassed to say it.

He jerks up with a funny frown. “Huening- no.” 

“Beomgyu.” This time he sounds sure. 

“No. Look it doesn’t matter who-” 

“Taehyun,” Yeonjun gasps, eyes huge. “Well that’s- that’s-” 

He can see Yeonjun gearing up into a supportive speech and with horror, he realizes how this will go. Once Yeonjun grabs onto something, he runs with it. It’ll be weeks of knowing looks from Yeonjun every time Taehyun walks into the room, Yeonjun suggesting later they talk to their manager about how to deal with it, or asking if Soobin wants him to talk to Taehyun for him. And poor Taehyun, oblivious in the midst of it all, weird lies of omission building into something so huge and- 

“It’s not Taehyun,” he insists, hugging his arms to his chest. 

There’s no  _ ‘oh’ _ this time. Prickles rise sickly hot from his elbows to his throat. He can’t bring himself to look up and see Yeonjun’s look of realization. 

“Sorry,” he adds as an afterthought, biting his lip and shaking his hair forward in attempt to hide any fraction more. 

“Soobin.” He sounds dead serious. 

He peeks up and his stomach flip flops. Yeonjun looks dead serious, too. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I won’t-” no idea how he was going to finish that sentence, too overwhelmed to keep standing here in front of Yeonjun. He turns to leave but Yeonjun catches his elbow. 

“Soobin,” he says again, almost stern, and drags him into the bathroom, closing the door behind them. 

Soobin backs himself against the door and wishes Yeonjun would say anything at all, but he’s back to staring at him like he’s a ghost in the woods. 

“Are you being serious?” 

He keeps his eyes to the bath rug fluffy beneath Yeonjun’s feet. “Does it look like I’m being funny,” he mumbles. 

“But… me?” 

Soobin nods. 

“Like… you like me?” A giggle of disbelief. “Like as in, you wanna kiss me and stuff?” 

He squirms in embarrassment. “Shut up.” 

Yeonjun snaps a towel at him and laughs. “What do you mean shut up! I’m trying to- I’m- Soobin.” He steps closer and takes hold of Soobin’s wrist again. “Hey. I’m- is that what- I mean seriously, do you-” 

He huffs and laughs at himself. “I’m- you know, I’m…" A long pause, spinning Soobin's bracelet around with his thumb. The tiniest nod, a gesture Soobin's seen him make a hundred times when he's made his mind up about something. 

"I’m never kidding when I try to kiss you and stuff.” A quick peek up at Soobin, and he realizes Yeonjun’s the one turning red around the edges now. “But I never thought you- so I just- like maybe if I could get the feeling out by playing around, you know? But- was never really kidding…”

His chest feels sticky and weird, hope and embarrassment and nerves all mixing together. Yeonjun’s hands slide up to the backs of his elbows and he steps a little closer, dipping down to peek up into Soobin’s face. 

“If I- then-'' he nudges at Soobin’s chin until he finally looks up. Watching him carefully, he leans a fraction closer, and closer again. 

The breath freezes in his chest in anticipation but Yeonjun pauses, searching his eyes. “You like me? Like me like this?” 

Soobin nods, hands coming up to cling lightly at Yeonjun’s arms, for years the most natural motion in the world but now it sends sparks all through him. “I like you,” he whispers, eyes falling to Yeonjun’s lips. 

Yeonjun doesn’t ask any more questions. Hands skimming higher up under Soobin’s sleeves, he finally leans in and kisses him. Soft and warm, making his chest tickle like a mouthful of honey. They break apart, lips trying to meet again in an uneven, awkward rhythm and Soobin can’t help but giggle. 

Yeonjun pinches his side and kisses him again, firmer this time, and again, and again, until the smile melts from Soobin’s face and he wraps his arms around Yeonjun’s waist. Kissing Yeonjun is nothing like he had been imagining. How could he have known this? Yeonjun so solid and warm when he holds him tighter, the taste of him on his tongue, the muscles of his shoulders tightening beneath his fingers when Yeonjun reaches to cup his jaw, the flutter of his breath tickling at the back of his brain when Soobin dares to swipe his tongue across his lip. 

It hits him all at once: he’d been imagining kissing the Yeonjun he’s always known, but this is Yeonjun just a bit outside the definitions he’d had. He can't quite put his finger on the difference. But it’s humbling, enticing, Yeonjun a whole existence that he’s only had a little piece of like the overlapping sliver in a venn diagram. 

Dragging his fingers up the sides of Yeonjun’s neck, he does what he’s wanted to do for years and sucks Yeonjun’s plush bottom lip into his mouth. That earns him a rich groan in the back of Yeonjun’s throat that somehow makes the moment catch up with him. This is real. This is really happening. He’s gone and said it and changed everything, and now he’s kissing Yeonjun outside of fantasies and there’s consequences to that, it leads to things. Leads to things like Yeonjun groaning against his mouth and clutching him tighter and that, too, surely leads to things… 

Eyes big, breath shaky, he pulls away to look at him. He's nervous suddenly, everything wide open like he dove from the safety of the ship into the vastness of the ocean and he doesn’t know what’s swimming under him. Thumbs brushing over his cheeks, Yeonjun smiles at him a little, a nervous, awkward thing. 

Relief washes over him. He smiles back, hands resting over Yeonjun's. Yeonjun had jumped off the ship too. Not alone in this weird, wide expanse; Yeonjun too. 


	2. Chapter 2

The problem Soobin faces now every time Yeonjun touches him is how to not go delirious with bliss. Yeonjun, now knowing exactly how he’s making Soobin feel when he grabs his ass in a hug, giggles low in his ear. 

“Hyung,” he whines, hands on his wrists to pull them off but he finds he really doesn’t want to. 

“Yes?” Yeonjun grins, bumping his forehead to his to tease him. 

Soobin’s eyes go wide when Taehyun passes. He jerks away, but Taehyun hadn’t even spared them a second glance. 

Shocked a bit, relieved, and just a touch offended that they’re so clearly in love but no one, not even Taehyun, cares. He looks around the set, loud and chaotic as usual. No one looks the least bit surprised at Yeonjun groping him in the middle of the room. A stylist glances at them, and looks away. 

It occurs to him that this is a scene they’ve all seen countless times. Countless times that Yeonjun was doing this because secretly, he wanted him too. 

He grins as Yeonjun’s words from the night before sink in through another layer. 

“What?” 

A giggle, he pulls Yeonjun’s arms back around his waist. “You actually liked me, this whole time. You weren’t just being annoying.” 

“Just being-! Shut up,” Yeonjun tries not to grin and squishes Soobin’s cheeks. “Yes," he mutters. "I was trying not to- you know, but I just couldn’t… not… you know??” 

He raises his eyebrows at that disjointed speech and grins wider. 

Yeonjun looks away. “Don’t smile at me like that, you’re too cute when you smile. See! It’s like this all the time, you smile like that and I just… want to kiss your pretty, stupid face…” 

It only makes him smiles harder, feeling like some strange power has been given to him. “Yeonjunie hyung’s so cute,” he coos, cupping his face in his hands. 

“Shut up,” he mutters, refusing to look him in the eye. 

Soobin giggles and squishes him until the smile Yeonjun is trying to fight down takes over his face anyway. Now that he’s actually returning Yeonjun’s affection, Yeonjun has no idea what to do with himself, ears pink, unable to look him in the eye. 

“I’ve never seen you so shy before,” he teases, ducking down to peer up into his face.

Yeonjun pokes hard at his stomach. “Not shy,” he insists, and straightens himself up. He glances around before lowering his voice. “Just. If I look at you while I’m thinking about all the things I wanna do to you, I might end up doing them right here in front of everyone.” 

He smirks when Soobin goes speechless, skipping away when the director calls them all back to their chairs. 

Soobin’s distracted for the rest of the day. What does Yeonjun want to do to him? It’s the “to” that’s sticking in his brain. Not “with”, like go to the park or eat pasta, “to”. He can think of several “to”s he’d like done, and every single one he imagines has him squirming where he sits. 

They’re incredibly busy for the next couple days. Soobin feels like he’s catching up with himself, a lagging little gps dot in his own life. He looks at Yeonjun the way he always has, but now he sees the desire that’s always been there, the affection that he never allowed himself to consider more than friendly. He sees why it’s always felt different when Yeonjun hugs him. 

Bored and hyper and half dressed as they wait for the stylists to bring the next outfits to try on, Yeonjun sings to the melody in his headphones and dances in circles around Soobin, smacking his ass to the rhythm when he gets to that side and ignoring his half-hearted “hyung, stop.” 

A satisfied smile like he knows Soobin doesn’t want him to stop, he loops his arms around Soobin's neck and sings louder, dragging him back and forth in a sorry excuse for dancing. 

Soobin gives him a fond, exasperated sigh and leans into him. Chin resting on Yeonjun's shoulder, he squeezes him in tight to stop the incessant motion. The warmth of Yeonjun’s laughter against him resonates through his own chest. It makes him feel so lucky. It makes him feel like there’s clouds under his feet. 

Trapped up in Soobin’s arms, Yeonjun can only sway them to the song, humming bits of lyrics, arms hooked up under his shoulders. It’s soothing. It’s electrifying. He’s gripped by the overwhelming need to kiss him, and has his nose buried in Yeonjun’s neck before he remembers there are at least 6 other people in the room. 

Panicked, he bites hard at Yeonjun’s shoulder and giggles at the yell of surprise, leaping away from Yeonjun’s tickling fingers. 

This is better. Eight in the morning, no schedule until noon, Beomgyu in the shower, the youngest two studying. And Yeonjun, shirtless in the kitchen, humming to himself as he chops veggies for soup. 

Heavy with sleep, Soobin smiles and wraps himself around him from behind. 

Yeonjun jumps. “Don’t scare me when I have a knife in my hand,” he scolds, but within a second, the knife is dropped in favor of holding the arms wrapped around his waist. 

“Mmm,” Soobin replies, burying his face in the curve of Yeonjun’s neck. Feeling brave a little, brave just enough, he presses a kiss there, and another just above it. 

Held this close, he can feel the heavy exhale in Yeonjun’s chest. He goes shy again, but Yeonjun turns to face him. 

It starts as innocent, smiley little kisses in return. But he quickly realizes how his body has been aching for this, for Yeonjun, to touch him and kiss him and not have to disguise it. 

He presses Yeonjun into the kitchen counter and kisses him harder, trying not to whine when Yeonjun drags his hands down his chest and grips at his waist. Yeonjun’s bare skin is so soft under his hands, something he notices in countless, fleeting touches throughout the days. But this, getting to really feel him, to lose himself in it, is so much better. 

The tiniest breath of a whimper leaves Yeonjun’s mouth when Soobin kisses down his neck, wetter and more hungry than moments before. His hand tangles in Soobin’s hair, face arching to the ceiling when Soobin sucks softly above his collarbone, hesitant like he’s not sure if he’s supposed to. 

Breath shaky, Yeonjun catches his mouth up with his and kisses him hard. Nudging Soobin's mouth wider, he kisses him harder still. Yeonjun's tongue finds his, wet, velvet, impossible not to chase after it again, and again. 

He feels dizzy, buzzing like someone raked embers up his spine. When he walked into the kitchen minutes before he didn’t think this is what he had planned, but now he can’t think of anything else on earth besides the firm give of Yeonjun’s muscles under his hands, how stupidly soft his lips are, the tiny groan in his throat and how to hear it again. 

Yeonjun’s got one hand up the back of his shirt and one cupped around his ass when the bathroom door clatters open down the hall. They gasp and break apart, Beomgyu’s muttering at the half-broken thing barely registering. 

Breath refusing to steady, Soobin opens the refrigerator and stares into it, Yeonjun giggling and turning back to his knife and veggies. 

Beomgyu shuffles in and reaches past him for a bottle of tea. “Just pick something and close the door already,” he laughs after a few gulps. 

“Hm? Oh, yeah I’ll just… milk,” he mumbles, grabbing a bottle of grape juice and wandering to his room. 

  
  


Three days, then four. Everyone is exhausted after an incredibly busy week of photoshoots and filming and endless dance practice to prepare for their next comeback. Everyone’s asleep by the time they reach their bedrooms at the end of the day, or before they even get there on a few nights. 

No time to kiss Yeonjun again the way he had in the kitchen. Four days of fleeting, secretive touches that make him ache for more, Yeonjun’s fingers caressing just barely up under his shirt on set, a kiss to the back of his neck when no one is looking. He has to remind himself to joke away Yeonjun’s flirtations like he always had before, but it’s hard. It’s hard when all he wants is for Yeonjun to do it, to stop teasing him with almost-kisses that he has to duck away from and really kiss him, but it’s been four days now. 

It’s been four days, and no convenient little pocket of time for things to just… _happen_ presenting itself like it did that morning. Four days so full and exhausting that it feels like a month has passed since he kissed Yeonjun. It’s stupid to worry, but… a little bit, he worries. What if they lose the momentum of this new feeling? What if it just continues on like the last four days and it never happens again? What if Yeonjun realizes he doesn’t need it like he thought he did. Like Soobin still very much does. 

_Surely not,_ he thinks. But still. Soobin knows, timing is a funny thing. 

Freshly showered and in comfy clothes, he curls up on top of his blankets and stares at the wall, wondering how to get Yeonjun to kiss him again. He swears he can feel it if he tries, Yeonjun’s body against his, hands in his hair, tongue wet against his. 

He remembers Yeonjun earlier that day, half-dressed between photoshoots, lean and soft, the muscle of his stomach shifting as he held an elbow over his head to stretch. Soobin couldn’t stop staring. All he could think about was how bad he wanted to lick him, amused with himself and confused that he’d ever been able to repress the longing. 

Rebuilding him like this nearly steals his breath away. It’s like the air is tickly against him, inhaling static every time he breathes. He feels too shy to move, days of anticipation and shy glances and flirtation under everyone’s noses built up like a giant balloon between him and Yeonjun, wherever he is in their dorm. 

For the first time in his life, he feels like working out. The energy has got to get out somehow, and it’s either scream in his pillow or drop to the floor and do some push ups. 

Beomgyu stares down at him from the top bunk in amazement as he hops up and boxes with the air, throwing uppercuts and dodging invisible punches. “Are you okay?” he laughs. 

“Yes! Just gotta… you know…”

“No…?” 

The door opens. “Hey Soobin.” 

Yeonjun grins in confusion at Soobin’s poor attempt at a spin kick. “Come here for a second?” 

He stands still and tries not to look as wide-eyed as he feels. "Okay."

Was it that easy? Just, “come here for a second?” 

Or did Yeonjun actually need him for something other than kissing him. Right. Definitely a possibility, maybe not obsessing all day over how to get his mouth back on his. _Calm down dummy, you are the leader of the group after all, it’s probably something about work._

“What’s up?” he asks when they reach Yeonjun’s room. 

Yeonjun reaches behind him and closes the door, eyes smiling as he crushes his lips to Soobin’s. 

“Mmm-” is all he can get out, surprise and satisfaction. He melts. It feels so good to hold him, to hold him and not shy away or hesitate or act like it doesn’t mean as much as it does because other people are around. 

He cups Yeonjun’s face in his hands. Their kisses are sloppy, almost too hard, the ache to taste each other more taking priority over quality. Yeonjun nips at his top lip and sends shocks down his thighs. 

Soobin whimpers and wraps his arms around him, pulling him in tight, Yeonjun’s t-shirt twisting where he digs his fingers into his flesh. Breathless, he groans an airy sound when Yeonjun sucks at his neck. It feels so good, so stupidly good. One hand travels up to clutch at Yeonjun’s hair, the other slides further up the back of his shirt, caressing at warm skin he craved for days. 

“Hyung,” he whines. Yeonjun’s moved lower, tongue digging at the spot just above his collarbone where he knows Soobin is sensitive. 

Yeonjun giggles low against his skin when another kiss there sends a shiver straight through Soobin. Soobin’s hands travel higher up his back, shirt all bunched up between his shoulder blades. He’s reeling off his axis, no thoughts forming, just the need to touch him more, to somehow fill this need for kisses until it doesn’t ache under his skin anymore. 

With one more gentle kiss to Soobin’s shoulder, Yeonjun pulls away and yanks his shirt up over his head and tosses it to the floor. 

“There you go,” he smiles, eager to get his mouth back on Soobin’s. He giggles when Soobin makes an embarrassed sound but does not hesitate to run his hands over all the bare skin presented to him.

Yeonjun’s hands travel down to squeeze his ass as they kiss, a familiar position to be in, though he’s never squeezing his ass quite like this around other people. 

“God, you’re so cute,” Yeonjun hums, pausing to look at him. He grins and pecks a kiss to Soobin’s lips when he just pouts in response. Soobin leans in to kiss him again and Yeonjun leans just out of reach, darts in to peck another kiss, laughing when he does it again and Soobin whines and smacks his hip. 

“Come here,” Soobin grumbles, pulling him in by his cheeks and caging him up against the wall where he can’t escape. 

Satisfied, Yeonjun kisses him back, eyes shutting in bliss when Soobin sucks at his bottom lip. “God, I love your lips,” Soobin murmurs, in a hurry to kiss them again. 

Yeonjun hums and cups Soobin’s ass in his hands again. “Do you?” 

They can hardly get the words out, breathless with the need to kiss each other again, and again. 

“I’ve told you that before,” Soobin laughs softly against his cheek, kissing across his jaw. 

“Yeah but-” 

Soobin swallows the words, kissing him deep, tongue chasing after his. Yeonjun’s hands drag up to his waist and back down, slipping beneath the band of his boxers to massage at his bare ass. 

He doesn’t mean to whimper into Yeonjun’s mouth like that, or swoon so hard into him either. A cheek in each hand, Yeonjun presses him in closer. 

“Want this off,” he mutters, tugging Soobin’s shirt off and humming in appreciation of the sight, clawing down his chest. 

Shy at the attention, Soobin kisses him again to stop him staring. Yeonjun’s hands are back down his pants in an instant, kneading at his ass, fingers digging in until it almost hurts, and then so soft, feather light touch from the very tops of his thighs and up over the curve, fingertips tickling up his spine and then back down to repeat the the hypnotic motion. 

He can feel himself getting hard and leans away just enough for Yeonjun not to feel it, busying himself with sucking Yeonjun’s earlobe in between his teeth. Yeonjun curses under his breath and he’s satisfied with himself, his hunch that Yeonjun’s ears are sensitive proving true. 

Licking up the curve of his ear and biting at the top, he giggles at the goosebumps that rise up on the backs of Yeonjun’s arms. But then Yeonjun tugs his hips in hard to his, and it’s his turn to giggle. 

Just a little, he grinds his hips against the hardness he’s discovered, pulling back to see the look on Soobin’s face when he gasps. When he does it again, Soobin falls against him, forehead to forehead, too shy to look. 

Yeonjun holds him by the waist and drops to his knees in front of him, fingers curling around the waistband of his sweats. 

“Hyung!” Soobin yelps. “We shouldn’t- we- shouldn’t we-?” 

“What? Do we need to get to know each other first?” He giggles, leaning up to leave a kiss on Soobin’s stomach, eyes up at him. 

“No,” he laughs and can’t figure out what to do with his hands. “No. No, I just…” 

Really, he has no idea. The words had just flown out of his mouth in panic, despite spending four days daydreaming exactly this as he drifted off to sleep or stared at his reflection in the makeup chair. 

Voicer softer now, Yeonjun leaves another kiss below his belly button, mouth warm in contrast to the cool air of the room and tells him, “We don’t have to, of course. But I want to.” 

He kisses beside the last one, mouth lingering a bit longer, dark eyes up to his. “I really want to. Want to now but I’ll also want to next week, next month, next year,” he shrugs with a smile in his eyes. “Whenever,” he murmurs against his skin, another wet kiss at the ticklish spot beside his hip bone. 

His eyes flutter shut. It’s almost too much to see the hunger in Yeonjun’s eyes as he gazes up all over his body, hand traveling up his leg to grip him hard by the back of his thigh. 

He reaches back to weave his fingers through Yeonjun’s, more out of habit than anything. He realizes it's a habit that always grounds him, comforts him. Yeonjun some kind of safe space as much as he makes him feel like he’s shooting through space on the outside of a rocket. 

It’s a soft shock that washes over him, another layer of realization peeled back that he’s probably been in love much longer than he thought. “I want to,” he says softly, ears red. 

“Yeah?” 

Soobin nods, stomach flip flopping, lurching too high on a swing set. 

A hungry groan, Yeonjun tugs down his sweatpants and boxers in one motion. Nothing in the way now, he runs his hands from Soobin’s knees up to his stomach, eyeing Soobin’s half-hard dick with his lip sucked into his mouth. 

He laughs when Soobin’s hands fly up to cover his face. “You’re so fucking cute.” 

One hand pressed into his stomach, the other reaching around to squeeze his ass again, he plants a kiss to Soobin’s thigh, another one higher, sucking at his skin a bit. He drags his tongue up the front of Soobin’s hip, hand sliding down to wrap his fingers around his length. 

Soobin whimpers into his hands, mouth falling open when Yeonjun strokes him a little. 

“Are you gonna hide your face the whole time?” Yeonjun giggles and sucks on the inside of his thigh, dangerously close to his balls, which makes him swell in Yeonjun’s hand. 

“No,” he gasps, though his hands remain firmly planted where they are. 

Yeonjun seems to take it as a challenge. Stroking him once more, he mouths up the side of his cock, tongue warm and wet, wiggling around the head before mouthing down the other side and sucking at his thigh there. 

Wetter now, the glide of his hand feels so good. He moans louder than intended and claps a hand over his mouth, reaching back to hold the hand holding his ass again. 

It tickles when Yeonjun laughs against his skin. “Mm, you look so good like this.” Voice rich with a smile like he knows how the words will knock Soobin further off-kilter. 

Finally, finally he takes Soobin’s dick into his mouth and watches as Soobin both tenses and sighs in relief. There’s a moan low in his chest, hand still over his mouth until Yeonjun takes him in all the way to the back of his throat. 

Hand falling away to clutch at Yeonjun’s hair, Soobin gasps up to the ceiling. “Hyung,” a broken sound of bliss. 

Painfully slow, Yeonjun drags his mouth up his length and back down, tongue laving at the underside until Soobin finally looks down at him. The sight almost makes his knees give out. Yeonjun’s pretty, thick lips wrapped around his cock, hand following after his mouth in a slow, slow rhythm. 

He wants to tell him how fucking hot he is, that he’s obsessed with his lips, that he’ll probably come if he keeps looking, but all he can get out is half-formed curses and a low moan of pleasure as Yeonjun speeds up the pace. 

The wet sounds alone twist hot through his stomach, eyes falling shut. 

“Feel good, baby?” 

Yeonjun clearly knows it does, but it doesn’t stop Soobin from nodding earnestly with a “god, yeah” tumbling from his mouth, cupping one side of his face and meeting his eyes. 

His lips are wet and plumped from so many kisses and sucking him off, eyes heavy like this is maybe just as satisfying for him, somehow. Soobin thumbs across his bottom lip as Yeonjun massages beneath the head of his dick. 

“Prettiest- prettiest mouth,” he sighs. 

Yeonjun smirks, making sure Soobin’s still watching as he puckers over the tip of Soobin’s cock and lets his mouth swell slow around him. And again. And again, tongue ticklish as he licks away a swell of precum. 

Muscles clenched, chest heaving, Soobin takes him by the shoulders to stop him. He tugs him up to standing and kisses him hard, swollen bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he drags Yeonjun back to his bed. 

Crawling up around him, he claws at Yeonjun’s shorts, too distracted by kissing him to properly pull them down. Yeonjun wiggles his hips and helps pull down the other side, panting against his mouth when Soobin cups his hand over his dick and massages gently at his balls. 

He purrs low and smiles at how hard Yeonjun is, nosing at his cheek and watching his eyes roll shut when Soobin wraps his cock in his hand and strokes him slow. 

A sigh that almost forms into words shudders against his lips. Soobin’s smile fades into some kind of serious wonder as he watches Yeonjun. He’s never seen him like this in his life, vulnerable, needy. 

_Like this for me. Like this because of me._ A whimper of lust or love propels him into Yeonjun, kissing him hard, bodies pressed close. 

They break apart and gasp when their cocks drag against each other. Yeonjun’s eyes search his, deep and heavy. Cupping Soobin’s cheek in his hand, he grinds up against him and watches as Soobin tries not to moan and fails. He repeats the motion, a satisfied smile creeping back into his eyes when Soobin can’t keep himself quiet. 

Shy under all the attention, Soobin pulls them over on their sides and hooks a leg over Yeonjun’s hip. A few fumbling kisses across Yeonjun’s nose and cheek before he buries his face below Yeonjun’s, taking him back into his fist and pumping harder. 

“Soobinnie,” a whimpered sound against his ear. Yeonjun curls an arm around him, stuttered breath tickling beside his cheek as Soobin massages at his cock, hard and leaking. 

He pulls him in closer, just enough space between their bodies for Yeonjun to wedge his hand in between and take hold of both their cocks together, Soobin’s fingers fumbling around his. 

He ruts up against Soobin’s length held tight in their hands. “Shh,” he giggles when Soobin moans loud into his neck, not much quieter himself when Soobin thumbs around the head. 

They work into a fevered rhythm, grinding against each other and stroking faster, constant airy mewls from Soobin in attempt to keep himself quiet. 

“You sound so fucking pretty,” Yeonjun gasps, mouthing at the curve of his shoulder that he can reach with Soobin’s face buried beneath his ear. “I’m gonna come, I’m-” 

Soobin squeezes him impossibly closer, heel digging into the back of Yeonjun’s thigh. Sparks burst hot down his spine at the words, at how he can feel it in Yeonjun’s body against him, tensed and shuddering. 

It splatters wet across his stomach, Yeonjun clinging to him as he sighs hard and uneven, the rhythm of his hips moving from desperate to satisfied. 

The need to see him is undeniable. Soobin unearths his face from beneath him and his gut twinges hard. Yeonjun blinks slow, eyes wide like he almost forgot who he is. Another blink and a smile seeps back in, sweet and delirious. 

He hums when Soobin kisses him hard, tongue digging against his. A moan gets swallowed up when he drags Soobin’s cock through his fist, wetter now. 

He can’t keep up anymore, breaking away to pant against Yeonjun’s mouth, chest heaving as he tries to restrain the whimpers in his throat and failing. 

“Hyung, I’m-” a ragged, broken little sound. He buries his face back between Yeonjun’s neck and the mattress, a long, heavy moan as he comes in Yeonjun’s hand. 

The pleasure and release overtakes him, body too hot, not enough air here against the blanket but his brain is somewhere far away, floating on electric waves.

For a minute, he stays buried and trying to catch his breath, shyness creeping in. What is he supposed to say? How is he supposed to act normal when he can barely feel his face and Yeonjun just made him come all over himself? 

Yeonjun leans up, a rush of cool, fresh air reaching his face. With a giggle, Yeonjun coaxes his face up to his and kisses him soft and full. He growls with a burst of affection and squeezes Soobin’s face, pressing kisses rougher and rougher to his forehead and nose and collarbones and chest and chin until Soobin is laughing and squirming away. 

“Here, hold on…” 

Yeonjun reaches for a box of tissues and wipes at the mess on Soobin’s stomach. 

His hands fly up over his face again. “Hyung,” he whines, embarrassed and not sure why. 

“Why are you so fucking cute. How dare you,” Yeonjun grumbles, kissing each hand covering his face and his lips poking out in between. 

Both cleaned up well enough, he tugs the balled up blanket over Soobin, snuggling in close again and prying a hand from his face, grinning when it reveals half of a big, exhausted smile. 

“Do you want some TMI?” he asks, combing Soobin’s sweaty hair from his face. “You know how everyone has like… that one porn that just really does it for them? Just the hottest, most... makes them realize things about themselves or whatever? Well. There was this one, where the guy who’s, you know, getting fucked, he just keeps making all these… _sounds_ and-” 

“What the fuck,” Soobin laughs. “Why-” 

“No listen! He’s making all these sounds right, and sometimes that’s the worst, like if they sound weird it can ruin the whole thing, right? But he just makes the prettiest sounds and he can’t stop and, and his voice sounds so much like yours and I’d always think ‘fuck, Soobin would sound so fucking pretty’ and! I was right.” 

“Stop,” Soobin whines, hiding his grinning face in the mattress between them again. 

“But it’s true! You don’t understand, it became my go-to fantasy and I just got to live it and I was _right_ , you do make the prettiest fucking sounds, you-” 

He dissolves into laughter when Soobin yells into the sheets, bashful and more pleased than he’d ever admit. 

Yeonjun kisses the peak of his shoulder and rests his cheek on the side of Soobin’s head.

For a moment Soobin just smiles under his warm weight.

"I saw you jerking off," he mumbles into his neck.

"What?" Yeonjun pulls away a little to hear him. 

Soobin peeks up at him, regretting the tiny moment of bravery. "I- _accidentally_ , I saw you jerking off a few weeks ago-"

"What?" Yeonjun yelps, but he's already laughing. 

He'd told himself he'd take this bit of information to his grave, but now that he's saying it, he can't stop, words tumbling out without pause. "You were in the bathroom, I came home early and I thought everyone was still out and probably you did too and I was gonna sneak in and scare you in the shower but then I saw you- um- standing in front of the mirror and then I couldn't stop thinking about it-" 

A rich laugh in Yeonjun's throat as he takes Soobin by the shoulders and pins him to the bed where he can't hide his face. "Wow," he giggles. "Soobin is a pervert. Spying from the hall? Watching me jerk off?"

"Accidentally, I just _saw_ , I didn't _watch_." 

Eyebrows arched, Yeonjun stares down at him with a smirk on his face.

"Maybe a little bit I watched," he mumbles, trying to bite back a smile and avoid eye contact. 

"Pervert," Yeonjun giggles with delight. "Did you get off thinking about me touching myself?"

There's extra drama in his voice, teasing. But when Soobin says nothing, his eyes go wide. "Wait, you really did?" 

Soobin grins, trying to hide his face again, but Yeonjun pins him down by his elbows. "Just a few times." 

"Mmhm, a few," Yeonjun gloats. "So you see me naked once and had to confess you're hopelessly in love with me. Ah, who could blame you."

"Shut up," Soobin laughs and pinches a nipple. "I liked you before that! I liked you so much, I always..." he trails off, never very good at putting words to how he feels. "I just didn't realize I liked you like _that_ too. I thought I just thought you were hot because like, you know, you're hot." 

A giggle bubbles up from Yeonjun again and Soobin does a funny frown, not sure how he never put together that thinking someone is hot means... he thinks they're hot. 

"I'm just happy you like me. I never thought..." his voices goes soft and he looks a little embarrassed for turning serious, gaze falling to the blankets. 

An odd feeling, the little glimpse into a whole world of emotion Yeonjun had been living in right beside him this whole time. He lurches forward to smack a huge kiss to Yeonjun's lips, grinning at his surprise. 

"I'm happy too." 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! kudos and comments are always wonderful <33 feel free to subscribe!
> 
> I'm [themarmalade](https://twitter.com/themarmalade) on twitter too :)


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